A friend of mine once said "In the military the highs are amazingly high and the lows or depressingly low".
I believe that during R&R (the soldier's 2 weeks midtour leave) you get to experience both...
Two weeks ago I was happy, excited, euphoric. I was on my way to the airport to pick up my husband whom I hadn't seen in 5 months. We had two weeks of perfection ahead of us. R&R was amazing, we had a great time but once the second week hits you know that it's almost time to say goodbye again...
I think what I hate the most is the day before the big goodbye. For some reason I am unable to control my tears, I randomly start to cry. I feel bad because I know it's just as hard on my husband and here I am, crying.. He knows me, he knows I am a cryer, he knows I suck at saying goodbye, he knows I will be fine, he knows I am stronger than I might seem right before he leaves. Still, I feel awful...
What is so hard about the second goodbye is how close the high and the low are... When you drive back to the airport you still remember the excitement you felt 2 weeks ago and then your sadness feels so much worse. It hurts... It feels like your heart is ripped in half, there you are saying goodbye to your other half all over again.
It took you so long to "get used" to the loneliness, to establish routines, to make it work and then R&R just changes everything... Two weeks is just enough to get back into a whole new routine, a happy routine, just being a family, a normal family. Not having to be mother and father at the same time...
The pain is still fresh right now. I know I will be fine again, I know we will get back into our old routine, I know I will get used to being alone again for as long as I have to. I know that we are "over the hump", I know that instead of having an entire year ahead of us like we did when he first left, we now "only" have a few more months to go. I know that the excitement, anticipation and euphoria will set in again once we get closer to the homecoming. I know soon I will be able to eat, laugh and be happy again (well as happy as it gets during a deployment).
Goodbyes suck and I hope that once he's home for good, that we will never have to let him go ever again.
Saying goodbye always reminds me of a song from Carly Woodwin, it's called "Homecoming Day" and she sings "And now I'd rather die than ever let you go again". She is right... Goodbyes are awful, especially when you know it is for a long time and you know what to expect, you know all the emotions that are coming your way.
I love how they split a deployment into six different stages from predeployment to after the homecoming. I know that I am back in stage 3 again....
Stage 3 is called "Emotional Confusion/Disorganization". You feel numb, lost, empty, aimless hurt and disorganized. You can't sleep, eat or do anything productive. You ask yourself "What am I going to do with this hole in my life????"
I cannot wait to go back to stage 4 which is where I was before he came home, where I spent most of the deployment... Stage 4 is called "Adjustment/Recovery". I never remain in stage 3 for too long but while I am in it it SUCKS...
That being said...
I MISS MY HUSBAND...
I believe that during R&R (the soldier's 2 weeks midtour leave) you get to experience both...
Two weeks ago I was happy, excited, euphoric. I was on my way to the airport to pick up my husband whom I hadn't seen in 5 months. We had two weeks of perfection ahead of us. R&R was amazing, we had a great time but once the second week hits you know that it's almost time to say goodbye again...
I think what I hate the most is the day before the big goodbye. For some reason I am unable to control my tears, I randomly start to cry. I feel bad because I know it's just as hard on my husband and here I am, crying.. He knows me, he knows I am a cryer, he knows I suck at saying goodbye, he knows I will be fine, he knows I am stronger than I might seem right before he leaves. Still, I feel awful...
What is so hard about the second goodbye is how close the high and the low are... When you drive back to the airport you still remember the excitement you felt 2 weeks ago and then your sadness feels so much worse. It hurts... It feels like your heart is ripped in half, there you are saying goodbye to your other half all over again.
It took you so long to "get used" to the loneliness, to establish routines, to make it work and then R&R just changes everything... Two weeks is just enough to get back into a whole new routine, a happy routine, just being a family, a normal family. Not having to be mother and father at the same time...
The pain is still fresh right now. I know I will be fine again, I know we will get back into our old routine, I know I will get used to being alone again for as long as I have to. I know that we are "over the hump", I know that instead of having an entire year ahead of us like we did when he first left, we now "only" have a few more months to go. I know that the excitement, anticipation and euphoria will set in again once we get closer to the homecoming. I know soon I will be able to eat, laugh and be happy again (well as happy as it gets during a deployment).
Goodbyes suck and I hope that once he's home for good, that we will never have to let him go ever again.
Saying goodbye always reminds me of a song from Carly Woodwin, it's called "Homecoming Day" and she sings "And now I'd rather die than ever let you go again". She is right... Goodbyes are awful, especially when you know it is for a long time and you know what to expect, you know all the emotions that are coming your way.
I love how they split a deployment into six different stages from predeployment to after the homecoming. I know that I am back in stage 3 again....
Stage 3 is called "Emotional Confusion/Disorganization". You feel numb, lost, empty, aimless hurt and disorganized. You can't sleep, eat or do anything productive. You ask yourself "What am I going to do with this hole in my life????"
I cannot wait to go back to stage 4 which is where I was before he came home, where I spent most of the deployment... Stage 4 is called "Adjustment/Recovery". I never remain in stage 3 for too long but while I am in it it SUCKS...
That being said...
I MISS MY HUSBAND...
